I read Jilly Cooper’s Rivals to see if it could still work in 2024 --[Reported by Umva mag]

I have something awful to confess: I am a literature snob. It’s certainly not one of my more attractive traits.

I’m a fast reader whose English degree has stood in good stead in helping me analyse and assess what could be described as ‘a good read’ (well, it had to be useful for something).

But three years studying Milton and Hardy at university has seen me develop aversion to any pulp fiction, meaning the likes of Jilly Cooper, Jackie Collins or anyone who gets lumped into the ‘bonkbuster’ genre is something I immediately snub.

So when I was assigned to read Jilly Cooper’s Rivals to see if it could withstand a TV reboot, I was less than thrilled, knowing I was forced to spend my weekend dragging my heels in what I’d assumed to be drivel.

With Disney snapping up the rights to Rivals, the eight part mini-series finally airs today and features the cream of British acting talent – Emily Atack, Aidan Turner, David Tennant and Danny Dyer make up the ensemble with Cooper’s blessing (who also serves as exec producer).

Following on from Riders – the first in Cooper’s Rutshire Chronicles series which explores the racy showjumping set (and distinctly remembered for its risqué cover of a woman in tight white jodhpurs being spanked) – Rivals swaps the saddle for satellites, delving deep into the supposedly sexy world of television production.

Her antihero from Riders, Rupert Campbell-Black, returns to be caught in the thick of the action in Rivals – quite literally. Effectively a bout of chlamydia on horseback, Rivals follows our rake Rupert as he’s now left showjumping – keeping his athletics strictly bedroom only – having now become a Conservative MP (what else?)

Barely any characters return from Riders, with the sequel focusing on Rupert’s antagonistic relationship with Lord Tony Baddingham – someone equally as wealthy, charismatic and brutish. Their bitter rivalry gets personal when the two go head-to-head to win a television franchise, with their ongoing warfare seeing practically the whole county caught in the crossfire.

Did I enjoy reading Rivals? Well, Shakespeare it ain’t – but nor is it trying to be. It’s 700+ pages of candyfloss fiction – fun, insubstantial and easy to digest but not particularly nourishing. 

It also feels distinctly a product of its era, with much of the plot centered around sweaty shags – 9/10 of them illicit.

Women are often compared to animals in the bedroom: one character is described as an electric eel in the sack, while another is an ‘excited whippet’. The desirability of young teenage girls heavily features, which is deeply uncomfortable – particularly as Rivals’ ‘true love’ story focuses around a man pushing 40 and a woman not yet 19 (Yes, Rupert and Taggie for those who remember first time round.)

The vast majority of marriages in the book are those of convenience, with wives wistfully decrying that ‘boys will be boys’ and staying in visibly unhappy partnerships with awful men. The men in question are somewhat applauded for their repeated conquests, with their caddish tendencies (Rupert’s in particular) depicted almost endearingly.

Other pointers of Rivals’ 80s setting are the references to the AIDS crisis at the time, with multiple characters saying they’ve been tested, or referring to myths – such as not swallowing each other’s saliva – that thankfully have long since been busted.

Women’s weight is also referenced repeatedly, with characters receiving praise for being painfully thin – one wife proudly announces she only weighs seven stone in the early chapters. Meanwhile, any woman vaguely larger than a size six is described as voluptuous, or, more pointedly, fat. One young character in Rivals is exclusively referred to as ‘poor fat Sharon’, while another is described as an ideal wife ‘if she’d lose three stone’. 

More refreshingly, however, all the women are happily hairy – their private areas are all described as ‘bushes’ – harkening back to a time before being clean shaven is the expected norm.

But for all the throwbacks to pubic hair and shoulder pads, Rivals has some clear parallels to the modern day. An early chapter to the book sees Baddingham ponder ‘alpha males’, a debate we are unfortunately still having today thanks to divisive internet figures. 

Elsewhere, observing the effects of seeing women in powerful roles, as well as heaps of Tory sleaze, makes it clear to see why Rivals will make a captivating television series for a 21st century audience.

The book’s acquisition by Disney prompted questions about whether it’s raunchier moments will be sanitised to appeal to a wider viewership. However, Dominic Treadwell-Collins, the writer behind the series, recently promised that not only will Rivals be full of the kind of sex scenes typical of the book, but that the gender balance will ensure ‘a willy for every pair of tits’.

And I agree that it would be a total disservice to Cooper’s writing if any of the source material is watered down.

That’s not to say the TV series should be like for like for the novel – the latter is far too long, with a glut of characters and many unnecessary subplots. However, Rivals the TV series would work best if it’s presented as a period piece true to its time, not unlike Bridgerton or Welcome to the Chippendales.

Audiences aren’t stupid; on the whole, we’re aware 80s society was different, and that attitudes towards what is and isn’t acceptable have changed. Should parts of the narrative be altered to fit a 21^st century perspective, Rivals would lose its original appeal and charm.

For me, it needs to wholly embrace the glamour, sex and seediness of the novel and follow more in the footsteps of Dallas and Footballers’ Wives to provide a refreshing bit of camp escapism, as opposed to a gritty look at the high pressures of trying to win a TV franchise.

If it trimmed some of the novel’s fat but kept its overall playful tone, Disney is onto a winner with Rivals. 

A version of this article was first published 27 March 2023.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing Kimberley.Bond@metro.co.uk 

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