If someone told you they were nebulasexual, you might assume they have an X-rated interest in the X Files, or fantasise about joining the 50-mile high club in a rocket ship.
In reality, it has nothing to with space or extraterrestrials. But attraction and desire can still feel likealienconcepts for people who identify this way.
Rather than literal nebulas, the term, first coined in 2014, actually refers tosomeone’s sexuality being nebulous– aka ill-defined or unclear – due to neurodivergence or intrusive thoughts, urges and images.
According toQueerdom Wiki, someone who identifies as nebulasexual ‘is unable to, or has a hard time distinguishing what sexual attraction is compared to other forms of attraction.’
As this is considered to be a ‘tertiary’orientation, they may or may not alsolabel their sexual preference, but use this term to ‘describe their state of difficulty/confusion.’
And while it may be relatively ‘new’ as a descriptor, qualified psychosexual therapist and Lovehoney expert,Annabelle Knight, tellsMetroit ‘reflects something that’s always existed’ but hadn’t been officially defined.
‘For many neurodivergent people, processing emotions and sensations can feel different,’ explains Annabelle.
‘Social cues, bodily signals, or even the concept of attraction might not register in the same way as they do for neurotypical people, which can make it confusing to know whether you want someone sexually or are simply drawn to them in another way.
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‘Nebulasexuality gives a name to that uncertainty – it’s not about indecision, but about navigating a more complex sensory and emotional landscape.’
How neurodiversity can impact sexuality
Autismspectrum disorder (ASD) and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) can impact the way someone experiences the likes of social situations and physical touch, potentially leading to challenges in relationships.
When it comes to sexual identity more specifically, one study found neurodivergent individuals wereeight times as likely to be asexualthan their neurotypical counterparts, while others suggesthigher rates of non-heterosexual attractionfor those with ASD.
Annabelle notes that neurodivergent people ‘might find it hard to communicate their desires or feel pressure to “define” their sexuality when it doesn’t fit neatly into labels like straight, gay, orasexual,’ which can ‘lead to self-doubt oranxietyabout intimacy.’
However, she highlights that ‘it’s important to remember that sexuality can be fluid and that not everyone experiences attraction in a linear or predictable way.’
‘Some people who identify as nebulasexual might gain more clarity over time, while others may always experience attraction in a more abstract or shifting way – and both are completely valid,’ adds Annabelle.
What to do if you or your partner feels they may be nebulasexual
If you’re neurodivergent and find it hard to process your desires, this could suggest you’re nebulasexual, but there’s no rulebook on how you define your own sexuality.
In relationships, communication and compassion are key – however you or your partner identify, or if you’re still questioning or coming to terms with who you are.
‘Talk openly about what feels comfortable, and explore intimacy slowly, without forcing labels or expectations,’ advises Annabelle.
‘It can also help to speak with professional who understands neurodiversity and can support you in understanding your boundaries and preferences.’
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